How to Get Sober Before Hitting Rock Bottom
Our perspective is our greatest obstacle to living a better life
I was recently asked:
How do you quit alcohol when it’s your coping mechanism?
At the moment, the answer was obvious… but it took years of chaos to formulate.
My Story
Twelve years ago, I had all but abandoned myself. Whether drinking wine in my apartment in the middle of the work day, secretly drinking in my car, or spending the night in a drunk stupor, I let addiction consume and corrode my life.
I got evicted from my apartment and dated an unstable, rage-filled drug addict who encouraged my debauchery. In short, I was miserable, isolated, and hollow.
Despite the agony, I didn’t perceive a problem so I never searched for a solution. Alcohol medicated my untreated anxiety and bipolar disorders, so it served an important function. I was accustomed to debasement feeling little impetus to change.
However, my life became hopelessly unmanageable. I finally agreed to rehab and embraced a sober lifestyle.
Five years later, I took a gamble and drank again. Unsurprisingly, I lost my hand and as if suffering a lobotomy started a six-year binge.
Fast forward to last year
Through a road of painful glass shards, I miraculously graduated from law school and got a job. During the later stages of active addiction, I devised guidelines to “manage” my drinking habit, like not drinking alone or keeping alcohol in the house. I genuinely believed that my ability to follow instructions proved I was not an alcoholic, which was ridiculous because even with strict adherence, I drank alcoholicly.
One by one, I slowly abandoned each rule and resumed a familiar story.
Teetering a precipitous cliff, I was losing my grip until saved by divine intervention.
On March 25, 2023, a familiar voice startled me at the office.
I looked up but saw no one.
The voice grew louder and sounded more familiar. Suddenly, I recognized it as my friend Mark, who tragically died three years prior while suffering from addiction and mental illness.
Mark’s disposition was funny and jovial and our conversations were always laced with lark and laughter, but now his tone was unrecognizably stern as he stated plainly:
What are you doing? Is this really what you want your life to be? In a month, you’re going to hit bottom and lose everything. Stop this before it’s too late.
I lept from my chair and darted around the room searching for an explanation. Was I going crazy? Reading my mind, Mark answered:
You’re not going crazy. I’m here, I’m watching, and I’m worried. You have to stop.
Suddenly, my consciousness awoke as my disease feebled under the weight of awareness.
Inconsolable and consumed in powerlessness, I collapsed to the floor as tears streamed down my face. Inside the recesses of my unconscious, I always knew I had a problem. After particularly harrowing drinking episodes, I’d randomly show up to 12-step meetings only to leave in the middle, rejecting the truth of the situation.
This time, I couldn’t deny it.
That day, I attended a meeting and picked up a 24-hour chip. More than a year later, I’m still joyfully sober.
My Response
Our standard for life is entirely too low. Satisfied with mere survival, we find too much comfort in coping.
Certainly, there are occasions when our best option is simply to make do, but they should be transient. Rock bottom motivated my first attempt at recovery, but not enough to keep me sober.
The second time, Mark urged that I raise my expectations for life supplying a more compelling reason: the promise of a better tomorrow.
The adage is people get sober when they are “sick and tired of being sick and tired.”
Let’s lower our threshold for sickness.
Just because you’re not homeless on the street or dying of cirrhosis, doesn’t mean you’re living a good life.
Don’t wait till stage IV to treat your cancer.
Sit down with your 7-year-old self and ask them to evaluate your current circumstances. Is this the life they dreamed of while playing make-believe on the playground or daydreaming about the future? Who did they want to be? Is your addiction (whatever it may be) helping you achieve that glorious vision?
If the answer is no, it’s time to reclaim your power.
Bottom Line
There is no guarantee I’ll stay sober. However, when I chose sobriety over rock bottom, I stood on surer footing by not building atop heaps of rubble.
Since I acted before outside forces compelled it, I planted a seed of self-love that continues to flourish with the right nutrition.
I challenge you — don’t settle for mediocrity. Make simply existing intolerable and choose yourself.
Your inner child deserves it.
I couldn’t agree more. Within all of us is this beautiful soul of infinite potential—the people we were as children. Over time, we let 3D reality bury that image alive and used substances to ease the pain of suffocating our true essence. Sobriety allowed me to dig up the tomb and resuscitate myself. It’s been so liberating and truly miraculous.
I love your line about sitting down with your seven-year-old self. For me, alcoholism was an existential crisis that ensued because I had long betrayed myself. Recovery is about becoming who I am.